


Void

by L_C_Darius



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-17
Updated: 2011-11-17
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:36:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_C_Darius/pseuds/L_C_Darius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He sleeps with the windows open that night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Void

He sleeps with his windows open that night, the warm, dry breeze floating about the curtains around the bed. Amanda hung those curtains long ago when she first came here, he remembers as he sits on the edge of his bed. They are light and airy still after so much time has passed and he tugs experimentally one of them. Now they are unnecessary. He is perfectly well-adjusted to infinitesimal quantities of dust in the air and without Amanda here…. He sighs evenly. Perhaps he will leave them.

Smoothly, he lies back against his pillow, straightening the sheet over his body. No one has prepared him for this. He reaches a hand across to the other side of the bed. It is not her physical presence that he misses. He had not touched Amanda for months: her treatment had not permitted that.

There is a part of Sarek that wonders whether that treatment was worthwhile, but he quiets that thought quickly and with skill. If it is not his wife’s physical presence that he misses, mourning its premature loss is illogical.

Logic has never dictated his feelings for Amanda, though and he cannot help but look longingly at her pillow.

He is used to being without physical connections, though. Despite their reconciliation, he has not seen Spock in several years. It has been even longer since he has seen Sybok, even since he has thought of Sybok. Being unable to touch his wife was…he searches for the correct word and settles on ‘difficult’.

Now what strikes him the most is her absence in his mind. Their inners selves have been touching constantly for more than half a century. To have her gone now is unimaginably lonely. His katra is alone. Spock is still a presence delicately linked to him literally at the back of his mind. Sybok is more distant but present as well, hovering behind Sarek’s left ear. Amanda’s place is…void. It is blank and Sarek cannot help worrying at the bare spot in his mind as though it is an empty tooth socket.

It will heal. He knows that in time it will scab over and he will not notice her absence as much. That spot in his mind will always be bare but it will not always be so painful. Knowing that does not make it any less so now, but he is a patient man.

He rises up on his knees ungracefully and leans over to snuff out the candle on his bedside table. Swiftly, he pulls Amanda’s curtains closed, lies back against the pillow, and tries to sleep.


End file.
